recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were destined to go to rehab together
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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