He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
