Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
