finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
