I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
