the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
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The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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