guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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