saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
