Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
