her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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