the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
