Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
