I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
