she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
FUCK WHALES
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
