Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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