also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
my poor anus
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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