if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
