i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
