how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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