And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
