She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
