what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
