this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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