whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize