I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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