Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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