how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize