I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
