I think im going to throw up on grandma
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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