do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
