it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
