this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
