you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You dont lie about slip and slides
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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