Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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