guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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