this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Randomize
