doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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