Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
