I have demons in me.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
