he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm like, not good at living.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
