The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize