Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
