**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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