using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
