cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
