Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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