You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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