I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
