shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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