I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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