My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
