It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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