My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
