Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
