swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
