Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
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Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
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Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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