I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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