Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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