if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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