not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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