At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
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I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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