I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
