I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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