U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
