i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
