I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
