Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
