Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
