i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
